My Struggle with Class Participation

At the Lawrenceville School, we employ a method of class participation through the use of a Harkness table. Basically, the teacher and students sit around the oval table to discuss various subject matters. I know this method of class participation will enhance my engagement with my classmates. However, I did not expect to struggle with discussing issues around the Harkness table.

In my freshman year of high school, I remembered sitting across nine bright minds who looked as unprepared as I was. At Lawrenceville, we have a "humanities group" that learn English and History together for the entirety of the first year. English and History are the main classes where teachers would utilize the Harkness way of participation most frequently. Prior to entering high school, I have no idea that I am scared of speaking in front of my classmates. At my middle school in Bangkok, teachers would lecture all class while the students either listen or completely zone out. As a result, there is no opportunity for the students to ask questions or discuss the materials with each other. So I naturally became unfamiliar with speaking out in class.

Going back to the first day of freshman humanities classes, I recalled being the last one to enter the small room. Every eye glanced at me before returning their attention to the teacher. My heart pounded as I sat down. Not long after, we began discussing the annual summer reading. I pulled out my annotated book and nervously looked around the oval table. Although there are only nine students in the class, I felt as if I were in front of a crowd at the SuperBowl. The teacher started off by asking an intriguing question in which responses erupted from various students except me. They looked at each other and stopped talking one by one. However, a person continued talking and made a good point in which others can make connections to. I held back until the bell rang. I did not speak in the first class.

I could never imagine that this trend of non engagement would persist until Junior year. My brain would freeze every time my teacher announced that the class would have a harkness discussion. The worst part is when he or she emphasized that these conversations would turn into a big debate which will be "graded". I could feel my heart speeds up from its abnormal 104 bpm to 120bpm in fear of battling with my classmates in expressing my thoughts. As a result, I hated participating in class and blamed my classmates for speaking too frequently or ramble on for a few minutes. I did not know that it was my fault all along.

I just realized that only I can improve the situation. People can offer me advices on ways to increase participation in class, but it will not be beneficial unless I actually implement their suggestions. During my sophomore year, my adviser gave me an idea to set a goal every week regarding class engagement. She suggested ways to take effective notes so I can discuss the materials with everyone. This method worked for a while, but I grew tired of constantly tracking my progress in every class. That's when I realize that what is holding me back was not my lack of knowledge in certain subjects, but my fear of speaking on the spot without a plan.

In fact, I prefer planning rather than improvising my way through life. However, the art of Harkness depends on thinking at that moment and articulating your idea as best as you can. I observed people who regularly participate and noticed that they don't always speak perfectly. Upon that realization, I discovered a very simple technique that will help me with class participation: understand the material, think fast, speak what's on your mind without fear of judgement. People don't really care if you stammer or your idea is not perfect, they only want to jump in and express their opinion. Some people do listen to what you say, but their main goal is to get their idea across. With that assurance in mind, I become calmer in the Harkness table.

As of now, I try to participate more frequently in the classroom. I know the journey will be hard due to my mental state or other uncontrollable factors. However, I try to challenge myself everyday to speak my mind in case it helps someone to see in a new perspective. Sometimes I see Harkness as a battle stage ; in other occasions, I see it as an accepting place to discuss a pressing issue. I could see myself gaining confidence in the Harkness table and believe that this skill is essential for college and life beyond.

There are many benefits to the Harkness method of learning. First, you get to hear other people's opinion that might change yours. Secondly, you stay alert in class for chance of engaging with your classmates and the teacher. Thirdly, you practice public speaking skill which is very useful in the workforce. With these reasons, I strive to be my best Harkness- Knight self each and every day to grow as a student.